So over the past few months my brain has been a pile of baby mush. While I still retain the most useless celebrity and movie knowledge, I forget the most basic information, I fumble for the easiest words, and I often feel like a an extra from The Walking Dead. But as I am getting used to this whole being a provider of life and sustenance, the reality of what a major undertaking that is has set in... I mean you know, but you don't KNOW... People try to prepare you, "get ready" "life will never be the same" blah, blah, blah, but here's the thing, not many folks really verbalize the struggles that can go along with being a new
parent mommy. After I had Rocco, I felt so out of control and, bloody hell, I love to be in control. You are so worried about everything. Is he eating enough? Is he pooping enough? Am I pooping enough?! Is he crying too much?! Am I crying too much!?! All these things that no one really mentions and the more I talk to mommies the more I see that this is all totally normal. Even the most put together mommy loses her shit and if she says that she doesn't then she sits on a throne of lies.
IT'S FREAKING HARD. Those first few months are especially draining on your body and on your soul!!! You want so much to make this lil nugget happy so when you can't you literally lose your marbles. You bawl, "what the hell do you want!?" and then you are filled with such guilt you take some time to cry in the closet. I felt such shame, when I would finally email The Captain I would confess that I felt like the worst mommy because I yelled at my poor baby and then cried locked in the bathroom... Well, as it turns out I wasn't alone. I would say the majority of mommys that I opened up to say they have had similar experiences. Don't you see!? We are all in the same boat, NONE of us know what we are doing!! My dearest friend, Shelly, reminded me one day that having a child is not supposed to be a one person job, the whole saying "it takes a village." She was so right, but it extends beyond your immediate family and friends... instead of ripping each other apart because "you can't believe she feeds her kids fast food" or "that she co-slept with her baby until he was a toddler" we should be helping lift each other up! Dude, it doesn't matter, we are all trying to survive and figure out what works best for our tiny humans because, shocker, all babies are different!!! No one, I repeat, NO ONE knows the perfect recipe for a happy baby that never cries and instantly sleeps through the night every single night ever!!! Can I get an AMEN!? We all love our babies so much, but let's nod our heads in agreement that there will be somedays where a shower and a poop alone are literally major triumphs! We are all in this together boos! [Insert fist pump here]
photos via Kelsey Erin Photography
Note: If you feel like you are experiencing more than just exhaustion and raging hormones please reach out to someone. Postpartum depression is a very real thing and you have to know you aren't alone! My brilliant friend Aggie wrote a beautiful and raw piece about her experience with ppd, I highly encourage you to check it out.
If you are having or have had a rough time and would just like to chat please to shoot me an message!