[So cute and sweet, but LIES!!! All LIES]

You know when you see all of those adorable baby rooms on Pinterest and think, oh my gosh, so sweet. That just looks too good to be true! That's because it is!!! Beware! You are being lied to!!! Gasp! And you thought the internet was a beacon of truth. These sweet Pinterest nurseries only look like that until the child can move, then all bets are off. I have to admit I wasn't thinking about a moving, grabby, no napping monster baby when I decorated our nursery… I should've, ohhhh I should've… It was so sweet and cute for the first 3 months when I only went in his room to rock in the rocking chair. Needless to say we had some serious function issues and I have decided to share my knowledge with you now. You're welcome friends.

1. Forget the wool rugs. We love our gorgeous West Elm shag wool rug, it's beautiful and it was a killer good deal, but not only is it a shedding nightmare, it gets vomited and drooled on like ALL. THE. TIME. We are already planning purchasing a nice super soft cotton rug. This one tops the list.

2. Hang everything out of reach of grabby, grubby hands… and feet. I love our art work and I still think it was the perfect aesthetic choice, but maybe not hanging it so close to his changing pad. Like dude, I have been waiting to be hit in the head by one of these things and finally took them down the other day.

3. Cover 'dem windows. Our "blackout" curtains were a flipping joke and when our little guy refused to nap in anything other than a pitch black room we improvised. I was told by a friend to bust out dark plastic wrap a la "Dexter Style." We went more ghetto fab and threw every damn thing we could find over the curtain rod. BOOM. Black out shades only a college student could love.

4. Keep wattages wayyyy down. Our lamps are brighter than the surface of the sun and instead of buying the proper low wattage bulb, again, we just throw a whole bunch of shit on top of the light. Are you seeing a trend?!

5. Cords, cords, cords. Damn, my kid loves to eat cords!? What the heck!? You think oh my kid won't try to kill himself by getting tangled in cords or sticking his fingers in light sockets until he's a crazy toddler… Oh no, think like 4 months… They aren't very bright, think about how to hide cords and keep them out of reach when you first design the room to keep you from having to reconfigure the space!

So much for my beautiful nursery… But Honey Badger don't give a fu--- You get it.