My Preggo Truths.

Baby Fruit  copy through 30 weeks.001Baby Pics via Kelsey Erin Photography

So I told you that I would be back sometime to blog… This is that time! Today is SOMETIME!!! I will be 30 weeks this very Thursday, yes the picture is a few days premature, but I'm like a freaking cow right now… I get to post it if I want. I've been really loving pregnancy and all the crazy shenanigans that go on. It's this wonderful and super weird experience and the 3rd trimester brings forth many, many fun new… adventures…

1. You pee yourself, a little bit. I thought this was a post baby phenomena… Nope, turns out the kid pushing on your pelvic muscles can cause pressure on your bladder which in turn can cause you to loose control, say when you sneeze… I cried the first time it happened. Like legit tears. Like what the shit is happening? No amount of kegels will keep you safe. I'm doing them now… Useless.

2. You are equally gassy and horny. I would say this is pretty self explanatory. It's absolutely ridiculous. I have never felt more disgustingly gassy, but alas, it doesn't deter my monster sex drive. Awesome. Thanks for that baby!

3. You seriously think about peeing yourself when you finally get comfy in bed and suddenly feel the urge. Again, I think you get it. Once you find yourself a comfortable position it's inevitable that you will have to pee. It's hard enough to get up off of a couch or chair, but hoisting your massive body up to go pee once you have finally found a super comfy position is so annoying that you seriously contemplate just letting it go, but of course you must maintain some shred of dignity so you get up every 30 minutes to go to the bathroom.

4. It gets really, really difficult to, ahem, groom yourself. So dude, why didn't someone tell me this!?! You literally stop being able to see your vagina. Like OH. MY. GAWD. I'm still mourning the loss. Basically, you better book your waxing appointment otherwise things are gonna get… hairy… Sorry, uncalled for, but true. Very, very true.

5. You simultaneously feel like a wildebeest and a freaking goddess. It's insane that your body can feel so unbelievably foreign to you yet you feel beautiful and strong and all that is woman, blah, blah, blah. Seriously though, getting used to your changing body is wayyyy difficult, but at the same time I have chosen to embrace my big ol' belly and I really think wearing stylish clothes that show off the bump really help you feel beautiful! And hey non-preggos, if your friend is knocked up and looks good. TELL HER! It is seriously enough to reduce me to happy tears when someone tells me that I'm glowing or that I look beautiful.

6. Your balance is soooo not what it used to be. What's up with this? I'm still rocking my wedges, but I'll be honest, a skinny stiletto heel? HELL NO. It ain't gonna happen. Dude, it's hard enough to wear tennis shoes and not fall over. Like literally fall over. That's definitely a weird one for me… My standing tree pose isn't what it used to be.

7. You need naps after your naps. So the tired thing comes back with a vengeance in the 3rd trimester. I've heard people joke that it's nature's way of giving you some sleep before you never sleep ever again in your entire life, or so I've been told a few hundred times. I seriously woke up one day drove to breakfast and came home around 10… Fell asleep on the couch for 2 hours. Then went upstairs to put clean sheets on the bed and fell asleep for another hour… WHAT the WHAAA?! And ya know when you take a nap and then you have a harder time falling asleep that night?? Yeah, not a problem. By 8:30 out like a light.

8. There's sweat ERRYWHERE. Oh Lordy. I am sweating all the time. [Side note: If anyone ever tells you that you don't need AC in San Diego, they are full of shit. LOTS and LOTS of shit. It's hawt. If I didn't have air conditioning I would've moved to Antarctica during my pregnancy. There are penguins there right?!?] So back to the sweat… You sweat in places you didn't know you could sweat! Back sweat, boob sweat, thigh sweat, so on and so forth. It's nasty. I shower at least twice a day. I'm literally squealing with excitement for Fall and Winter. Praise The Lord for seasons.

9. You loose patience for just about everybody. It's just crazy what hormones do to you. I have unfollowed about 30 people on Facebook because I just can't deal with people's opinions and whining. Friends and family seem to always be doing things that drive me bonkers and then sometimes for no reason I just want to start punching people in the face. I may or may not have told a customer service agent [who was a serious asshole and a liar] that I was going to have to punch him in the face. He was on the phone and didn't like my threats. Pansy. Elizabeth Banks knows what I'm talking about, see here. [Sidenote: This movie is infinitely less awful if you have been pregnant. Still, it's pretty terrible.]

10. Feeling your baby move NEVER gets old. I can't tell you how excited I get every single time Rocco moves. I mean, I like want to run out and tell everyone. I'm loving it. It's so wild! I seriously want to call someone every time I feel him move. I've taken about 200 videos of my tummy dancing. Totally hoping he's a lil' Filipino dance machine… Maybe he's a future member of the Jabbawockeez!! OMG. Dreams coming true.

Happy Monday everyone!!! I'd love to know your preggo truths because let's be honest, they're hilarious! xoxo